Ben Gunnink

Ben Gunnink lives out the phrase "specialization is for insects," with interests ranging from literature to computer science, linguistics to physics, music to philosophy. He is an iconoclast, an æsthete, a political liberal, a casual Hobbesian, aspiring poet, and ironically, not a basketball player.

Abandoned at the tender age of 6 months during a brutal Minnesota winter, Ben was found and nursed to health by a she-wolf, which was actually the earthly incarnation of some sort of deity. At 5, he murdered a group of heavily-armed loggers with his bare hands by channeling the's earth chi energy. He briefly owned a chain of successful pancake houses between the ages of 6 and 8, wrote a book about aphid mating habits, thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail in a matter of minutes, and finally managed to convert himself into pure energy by the time he hit puberty, but the girls were not impressed by violations of classical physics. He still maintains that he was too good for them.

After founding the prestigious Rochester School of Scatological Humour at 15, Ben went on to establish chapters of a new fraternal organization, I Phelta Thi, in universities across the country. His cross-dimensional, supratemporal existence notwithstanding, Ben still enjoys walks in autumn, friendly pets, and voracious reading, though omniscience has spoiled mystery novels for him somewhat.

His intentions for the future include the fragmentation of spacetime, the development of reliable phase converter for light, and possibly a nap.

This statement is false.